Beneath the Stain

Rock band stories aren't in my favorite categories, but occasionally there is one that hits my radar. I love Amy Lane, and Nick J Russo is also on my must listen to list. I have heard so much about this book that I had to give it a go. I am so glad that I did.
Beneath the stain is about youth, poor boys suddenly tossed on their own into a world of drugs and sex, then getting help to clean up and become something. Just when you think Mackay has faced his demons and finds his happy, a big one pops up that could shake him and Trav apart.
There are so many characters in this story to love and so much drama, that even though it was 16 hours long I didn't want to stop( yes I finished in two days)
If you like rock bands, angst, passion, an allover great romance and some very hot man-sex you should love this.

I have to confess I was debating about this book ... Now that I am finished reading it ... I understand the brilliant story. I highly recommend you have tissues and music while you immerse yourself with Outbreak Monkey's family.

Well I read a book. I read the serial book actually and it was the longest that I have ever taken to read a book. Now that the whole book is available I have re read it to see how it felt without the extra scenes. Amazing! This is a quick paced tale of drugs, rehab, closets,music, art, and family. The talent owned by Amy Lane in having the reader be invested in the characters is ever evolving, a true ideal for other authors to attempt. I don't like much of the rock music since the '90's but I was rooting for the boys, cheering in the audience, bopping my head along with Trav as he watched his Mackie. I went on a ferry ride, visited rehab and decorated bedrooms. I cried...but also laughed, often too close together that I wasn't finished the tears before snorting out laughter. I strongly recommend this book to any one who enjoys a journey, who loves the feelings in a family, who longs to see a happy ending but who knows the road to HEA is bumpy and twisted.

I am a huge fan of all things Amy Lane. I have read almost all of her books and have fallen in and out of love with more of her characters than I can count. In spite of this, she still managed to kick my posterior with this book. We've seen the tropes before - rock band, brothers, love story, ups and downs, angsty type issues - yes it's been done before - BUT NOT BY AMY LANE.
A master wordsmith, the stories Ms. Lane weaves take you on turns you don't expect. Beneath the Stain is no different. Characters with whom you fall in love at the start of this book, you love even harder at the end. Characters you want to hate are given depth and levels of humanity so you actually FEEL for, like, and yes, love them. You NEED them to get their happy ending, and it breaks you more than a little when and if they don't.
That is what happens here, and that is what happens when Amy Lane crafts a story. You don't just read it, you take it in and you live it for as long as you are reading, and sometimes for days after. From beginning to end Amy Lane takes you on journey with Trav, Mackey and their 'family'. She takes you places you don't expect, and will wring from you just about every emotion possible.
I put this book down with wet eyes, a tired sigh and the best smile. Travis and Mackey may have stolen my heart, but in truth, I gave that to Amy the second I opened this book. So well written, so beautifully spun, this story. For me this is one of the best if not THE best written by this author, and I hope she is as proud of this work of art as her fans are of it, and her. My own words will never do this book nor this author justice, but they are all I have. Bravo, Amy, Bravo.

6628510
Christy Duke's review Oct 20, 14 · edit
5 of 5 stars
bookshelves: m-m, on-my-kindle, favorite-series-and-stand-alones, reviewed
Read from September 03 to October 10, 2014
Mackey Sanders knows three things in life. One, he'd give up everything just to keep writing songs and making music. Two, he's been in love with his brother's best friend, Grant, since Mackey was twelve. And three, his mom and his brothers are the only people he truly needs in this world. It was Mackey, at the age of ten, who decided they would play \"rock band\", and he made up beautiful lyrics on the spot. Thus Outbreak Monkey was created, with Mackey as lead vocals and pretty much any instrument he chooses, his brother Kell as lead guitar, along with his best friend, Grant, his brother Jefferson as bass, and his best friend, Stevie, on drums. A five-man band which began to turn their small town on its ears.
Their band gets the opportunity to play a set during the high school's senior prom, and that—the screams, the chants, the applause—cements it, as nothing else could, that this is what they were born to do. Kissing Grant, and sharing blow jobs, after, cements for Mackey who he is. But this is Tyson, California, and Mackey isn't sure how brave he can be at fifteen. Especially since Grant, three years older, is terrified of what his parents would do. So they keep the band going, Grant keeps a girlfriend, they all get jobs for the summer, and, instead of heading off to college, Grant stays to run his dad's business and play in the band. And even though Grant isn't as strong as Mackey, Mackey loves him anyway.
For five years, Mackey and Grant did the sneaking around. The band got more gigs, with Grant using his dad's business contacts to help them out. They started making enough money with the band that Kell and Jeff moved into the apartment next to theirs, along with Stevie. Mackey made it through high school, although math and science weren't his thing. Then, suddenly, Grant gets a call from a guy who heard one of their singles on a college station, and he's going to be in the audience that night to listen to them play. It's time for Mackey to help them shine, so Kell doesn't have to keep working at Grant's dad's garage and being treated with scorn, and Jeff can quit working there, too, and be happy again.
\"'You need a way to let me go,' he panted into the relative quiet. 'This is it. You get to go be famous, and I'll stay in Tyson and watch you fly.\"...
\"'Sing that river song tonight,' Grant whispered. 'Sing it to me. Please. I know you're gonna be pissed, but God. I love playing with you guys. Let me have one more set, and my song.”
Amy Lane has torn me up with a lot of books and a ton of dialogue, but those lines right there brought me crashing down on a wave of grief, and, like Mackey, I felt my heart trying to rip out of my chest. It's Grant who is getting them out of Tyson, getting them all the opportunity to make something of their band. But Grant, whose girlfriend is now pregnant, will stay there. He'll marry her, he'll keep running his dad's business, all the while his father calls him names behind closed doors, and, slowly but inevitably, Grant will die a little more every day. But he can watch them fly.
A whole new life. Signing a contract, having someone other than Grant pick out his new clothes, someone other than his mom to color and cut his hair. A lot of responsibility, and, even though Mackey is younger than Kell and Jeff, Mackey makes sure all the i's are dotted and the t's are crossed. It's Mackey who stipulates in their contract that their mom gets a new house wherever she wants, and that Grant gets royalties for the songs he helped with musically. Kell didn't want that, still too damn angry at Grant, but Mackey knows it was Grant who got them here, so it's only fair. They spend one day auditioning for another lead guitarist. Someone to replace Grant, and they find him, in Blake.
Outbreak Monkey got lucky with Gerry, their manager, at least in some ways. An older guy who treats them with respect and seems to care. But he always has Xanax for Mackey, who gets upset easily, particularly with all these changes and missing Grant. I understood, from the record company’s perspective, but I was worried about my Mackey. Mackey starts getting panic attacks which necessitate Gerry giving him a pill to sleep and then he needs a pill to wake up. Can someone say, Elvis? I was worrying constantly about Mackey and he was breaking my heart. Then Blake introduces him to coke as a little way to wake up, to help them get through their first tour. And then Gerry drops dead before they begin recording their new album. Oh. No.
In walks Travis. Heath is worried about Outbreak Monkey, he doesn't want to see them get chewed up and spit out by the music industry, which happens to so many. Heath thinks Mackey is one of the most talented people he's ever met, but he needs Travis to get them back on the straight and narrow. Travis will need to get Mackey into rehab, and get all of the guys to a place where they're comfortable with this life without resorting to drugs and alcohol. And since Travis just caught his long-term boyfriend cheating on him, Travis needs a new challenge.
\"His voice was singsong and sarcastic, and for a moment, all Trav could do was stare at him. 'Are you high?' he asked in outrage.
Mackey shot him a look of pure disgust out from under sandy-blond eyebrows. 'After the last four days, are you shitting me? I don't ever wanna be fucking high again. Fucking Jesus, do you know what that detoxing thing is like?’\"
I love Mackey. I really do. There is so much strength in that little five foot six body. Except he doesn't think so. Instead of telling Kell he's gay, Mackey only sleeps with guys when he's high, and uses girls as beards when he's sober. Mackey doesn't want to risk Kell not loving him. And, now they're back in the studio, and Travis has rented them a mansion to get them out of living in a hotel, and Travis is making them all toe the line. Until someone messes with Mackey, and not in a good way.
Oh, Mackey. You're tearing me up inside. You're breaking down all of my walls, and all I want to do is protect you from ever being hurt again. Trav is pretty much feeling the same way, especially after some revolting fan manages to roofie Mackey at a bigwig party, takes him out back, and rapes him. Trav gets him to the hospital, but the damage is done and Trav can't stop kicking himself. Mackey isn't very happy when Trav insists he return to rehab, because in Mackey's eyes, he didn't do anything wrong.
\"But you took the damned beer from a stranger, and that left you open. And your body was stripped thin from detoxing two weeks ago, and that made it worse. And if you and me hadn't made eye contact about five seconds before that guy got to you, you would have laid in an alleyway, choking on your own goddamned vomit, for an hour, because your band would have thought you went somewhere to get high and get laid. You need it, Mackey.”
So Mackey goes to rehab, along with Blake, which neither of them is happy about. But Blake has a sobriety clause in his contract and he's stuck. Go, Trav! And, god love a duck, Mackey is his normal, irrepressible self with the doctors, which doesn't always go over very well. This time, Mackey lasts for four days at rehab before appearing at the house they've all moved into. The confrontation with Trav doesn't go well, but, hey, what d'ya expect? Mackey's mouth can drive anyone bonkers. I so love him.
\"Jesus.” Trav couldn't stop staring. “I don't hit people. I don't hit people - I don't. Jesus Christ Mackey - I don't fucking hit people. Man, just –“
Mackey grinned at him, working his jaw gingerly. “That was fucking awesome. I haven't been hit that hard in ages! And I had it coming - I mean, you gotta admit I had it coming.”
When Trav hits the wall in his frustration and anger at himself, he breaks three bones in his wrist, sending him to the ER. It's there, with Mackey, that Trav discovers so much of Mackey's pain this past year is due to a broken heart over Grant. With Mackey in his arms, sobbing out his pain and grief, and his fear of telling anyone, that Trav (via Amy Lane) has the most beautiful thought I've ever heard:
\"Oh, baby boy - did no one teach you how to have your heart broken? How long has this been a secret sorrow, held close to your heart until you were consumed?\"
These two men are killing me. Both of them. Trav is crumpling because no one has ever taken care of Mackey James Sanders, and there may be a fourteen year age difference, but Trav is determined to take care of him. And, when Mackey gets his crap together, then it'll be up to Mackey, as an adult, to decide what to do about it. That is, if Trav can make it through the minefield whose name is Grant.
A lot of things are coming out in rehab, things that need to be purged, and I'm so damn grateful that Mackey has people who love him, and who support him. He and Trav are working on being friends, but it's so very obvious that there's more, and there's going to be more. I'm just not sure if I'm going to live through the next weeks while all of this is revealed. Amy, I still love it.
Mackey comes home from rehab and he and Trav are doing a little tiptoeing around each other. Oh, they know it's going to happen, but Mackey needs to stay strong, and, as he says, he doesn't need to get addicted to Trav, too. Finally, finally, Outbreak Monkey is back in the studio. Mackey wrote forty-five songs during his stint. Lyrics and instrumentals. Forty-five! Is it any wonder that I love that lightning and super charged person inside that short body?
“I figure half of ’em,” Mackey said. “There’s some good work there, some hard hooks, but not all of it was my best work. This here—this is my best work. I figure we pick the very best shit so the CD sells like a motherfucker, and we work on the rest of it on the road. There’ll be bootleg YouTube shit out the yang, and we’ll have another CD in a year.”
Trav tried not to gape. God, he was supposed to be the manager here, and for a minute, he thought about charging into the studio, grabbing Mackey by the sleeve, and pulling him out with an “Uhm, excuse the fuck out of me, but….”.....
And Trav’s little ego tantrum was effectively erased by the stunning competence and creative brilliance that was McKay James Sanders when he was clean, sober, and on a fucking roll.”
The sexual tension and just plain ol' need, becomes almost too much to handle between Mackey and Trav. So they decide to go out on actual dates, to step into this minefield and see what might happen. They are insanely adorable, especially Mackey, on the first date. Mackey, who has never been on a real date before, he doesn't know the rules, and he really wants Trav to see him as \"not awful\". And oh, seeing them together, having dinner, talking, opening up, sharing themselves, walking on the beach, and saying goodnight was truly beautiful.
Oh, boy. To say this was an easy part would be a misnomer. Instead, I'm going to say, for me, it was a little easier, which only means the next part is probably going to rip me up inside. It doesn't matter. I wouldn't miss this book for the world. And, yes, Amy, I still love every word.
I knew it. I knew it, and I read it anyway. How could I not? The genius that is Amy Lane wouldn't have let me stop. Not now. Not so close to the end. But I read this part curled around one of my dogs, with the other by my feet, and a purring cat on my head. Oh, and a box of tissues by my side. The good kind. I didn't need an ugly red Rudolph nose in addition to the pain in my heart and my soul. I trust Amy, though, to get me through. To hold my hand, knit me some socks, cry with me, and help me stumble to the end.
\"They had made love three nights running, and Mackey’s body was starting to thrum, satiated, replete, like a fully powered amp. It was like his skin felt more during sex than it used to—and not just because of being off drugs. He tried to remember those moments with Grant, the two of them touching roughly, quickly, in secret and dark corners, and all he could remember was wanting more, trying to pull more from the air like a sponge pulling rain from overhanging clouds.
With Trav, he always had enough, even when he wanted more.”
Trav had to go away for a few days and Mackey barely made it through without getting high. Instead, he got the cover art for their first album tattooed on his belly. In fact, the whole family got the tattoo. Then the guys played a charity concert, and Mackey found the roadie to end all roadies, in the form of a young girl named Briony. She kept Mackey from killing anyone and he fell into insta-adore. Trav showed up right before they took the stage and, wow. Yeah, that's all I got, here. Wow. Of course, that's nothing compared to what Mackey and Trav did after the concert. I love how Mackey just steamrolls over the nice, normal routine of life which Trav used to have. That's my boy! *cackles evilly*
Then it's Christmas. The shopping is done, the gifts shipped to Tyson where the whole band, the family, is going for the holidays. Except for Trav. He's going home to his parents for the first time in forever, plans that were made before he met Mackey. They part ways at the airport, but Mackey can't do it. A huge panic attack sends him back to the house. He's not ready to deal with Grant. Not yet. But he doesn't have to. Not alone. Trav will never make him face anything alone, ever again. And someday, Mackey will be strong enough. It's his promise to himself, and to Travis.
\"They became one, and Mackey could breathe. Trav was a part of him, and Mackey had strength. Trav moved, and Mackey’s body became light and Trav’s body became sound and together they were the thing Mackey worshipped most.
Music.\"
Really, Amy? Really? You had to go there? You had to tear me up like that? You couldn't leave me with my feelers the way they were at the end of part one, huh? It's ridiculous how much I love it when you tear me up and put me back together again. I can't say any more without it being a spoiler. What I can say is that Amy has a remarkable way of reminding me that, no matter what, at the end of the day, this band, this family, are just kids. I can hardly believe I've only got two parts left. It's been a hell of a journey with Mackey and the boys. I still love every word, Amy.
If you've been reading along, then you know the big revelation at the end of part five regarding Grant and the cancer that's just been diagnosed. You know that the entire band, including Trav, are heading back to Tyson to see Grant. Grant has, maybe, a couple of months. Oh, the tenuous bonds that Mackey and Trav have formed are really being tested here. And poor Mackey is going to need to say good-bye to Grant, to the life they could've had, to the anger and pain Mackey still carries around. So, if you're ready, get your glass (or bottle) of wine, and your super, extra soft, aloe tissues. This is Amy Lane, baby. You're gonna need them.
“You left me once and it almost killed me,” Mackey admitted, his chest feeling like raw meat. “I mean… if rehab hadn’t took, I wouldn’t be standing here right now, and that’s the truth. And now you’re leaving me again, and if Trav can’t stay with me through this, I’m not gonna make it.” His voice cracked, but he pulled it back in. He was stronger than this, dammit.
Grant closed his eyes and nodded. “Well, you tell Trav that it’s enough you guys came. You tell him to stick around. I don’t want any more of your soul than you already gave me, Mackey. I don’t deserve more. I just want my brothers back before I go.”
Oh, sob-fest. I'm not sure I'm going to make it through this book in one piece. Mackey is ripping me apart, and I don't know what's going to be left of me, if anything. Trav is seriously struggling, once they reach Tyson, because it's so hard for him to look at this crappy town and know that his boys, his boys, grew up here in this dismal, suffocating environment, fighting for their lives at every turn. It's tearing Trav up, and he just wants to scream. Or hit something. Preferably, someone. Unfortunately, it can't be Grant. How can Trav not be angry with him after what he did to Mackey? But how can he be angry when he sees how hard Grant took care of all the guys back in the day?
As I expected would happen, the guys and Trav don't make it out of their free hometown concert without a fight. I knew those stupid, bigoted assholes who populate that town wouldn't be able to be even remotely human. Although, I have to admit, seeing Heath come to bail them out was pretty fricking funny! But Trav has got to get his head on straight, especially regarding Grant, or everything he and Mackey have worked toward is going to explode and leave them in ruin.
“You do that,” he snarled. “You take a day to get your head straight, Travis. And then you be fucking ready, because I am hauling you back by your military haircut. You promised me, and ain’t nobody promised me before, and I’ll hold you to that shit if it kills me!”
Mackey is so strong, stronger than he knows, and after the year he's had, coming back to Tyson and dealing with Grant should've pushed him under, but instead, Mackey soared. I didn't, though. I had a lump in my throat the size of Texas because every minute they were there was one less minute of Grant's life. I mean, I knew this part was going to tear me apart. I just had no idea how much it was going to hurt. When Grant hired his own lawyer, made his Last Will & Testament, and made a stipulation that he wanted the guys to be able to see his daughter, Katy, whenever they wanted, and that they could take her up to a month each year, I nearly choked I was sobbing so hard.
“She’ll die here,” Grant said soberly, cutting through all their denial bullshit with simple, quiet sincerity. “Like I did. This house will swallow her, and she’ll never get out. Just like me.” His face crumpled again. “God, I wish I could cry. Fucking radiation—can’t even cry anymore, and it would feel so good. But you guys gotta promise me. You’ll come visit. You’ll have her over for summer. You’ll bring toys. You’ll listen to her want to be an astronaut or a cowboy or a poet and you’ll let her. Tell her she can go to college or travel to England or play the xylophone or….” He broke then. Tears or not, his frail body convulsed with sobs, and Mackey and Kell couldn’t do anything but hold him, unashamed and unafraid, and shed the tears their brother couldn’t.”
That was the hardest two weeks I've ever spent. The last two weeks the guys got to spend with their brother. Every day they went, and played music, and played with Katy, and kept Grant company. They said their good-byes, and gave Grant permission to let go. To be free. And, then, at the public funeral in Tyson, where they buried an empty casket, Mackey and the guys told it like it was, with Grant's every blessing. Then they got the hell out of that damn town, and scattered Grant's ashes and held their own funeral for their brother.
Mackey smiled a little, ran his fingers through that military hair, grazed those lean lips, swollen from sucking Mackey’s cock, touched that hard, square jaw.
“So I have to listen for you every day?” he said, delighted—even more so when he saw what he thought of as Trav’s sex flush wash over Trav’s cheekbones again.
“You’ve got to find something in me to love every day,” Trav said, embarrassed.
“Yeah, well, you’ve got the harder job,” Mackey said seriously. “I’m a pain in the ass.”
One of the best books I've ever read. I will never forget these guys, their pain, their love. Amy, you did good. You did better than good. Be proud of yourself, I know I am.