Chase in Shadow

First book of the Johnnies series.
What can you say about a story that is brilliant and heartbreaking at the same time ?
What can you say about an author that is excellent to the point that you just want to keep reading ?
The only thing I can honestly think is ... If this is the first book ... The rest will be as brilliant as well.
Chase and Tommy had to conquer sex, lies and demons to become what they needed to be for each other.
And if they hadn't been through that nothing would have made any sense.
Because the struggles showed them ... They could live outside of the shadows.

If you haven't read any of Amy Lane's books before, I urge you NOT to start with this one, because she is SO much better than this. While the writing was up to her usual level, the level of \"suspend dis-belief\" required for this book is too much to ask of readers, especially for a story written in 2012. Even given the reason, very late in the story, it is no where near believable. Everyone has off days, so just accept it and skip this mistake.

I had to re-read 'Chase in Shadow' before I felt competent to write a review deserving of this incredible story. The Queen of Angst has done it again with this first book in her new series 'Johnnies' and beware, you will need a lot of tissues to make it through the reading. Chase's story struck a vibrant chord within me. A young man, physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by his father, trying to be \"perfect\". The perfect son, the perfect student, the perfect athlete, the perfect fiancé, and the perfect gay-for-porn employee. It wasn't too hard to realize something was going to explode and the place in his mind where he hides his true self was going to do battle with his \"perfect facade\".
It was easy to love Chase. It was even easier to have him break my heart. Chase has spent his whole life, since his mother's suicide when he was young, trying to be what his father wants. He's accepted the fact that he must have deserved all of that abuse, especially when he's hidden his desires for men behind that red door in his mind. The only love he received growing up was from his best friend, Donnie, and Donnie's family. Chase hasn't ever been able to admit, even to Donnie, that he's gay, explaining their teenage play as curiosity. Chase can't be who he really is, he is terrified no one will love him, and so his entire life has been a lie of one thing or another.
When a friend tells Chase about a local company named Johnnies that is looking to hire straight men to do gay porn, Chase applies knowing he desperately needs the money and this way he can get away with his need for men. The extra money will help him and his fiancé, Mercy, as they are both struggling with college, rent, food, and the basics. Of course, he doesn't tell her where the money is coming from. Chase, aka Chance on Johnnies porn site, meets Dex and they become great friends. He also meets Tango, aka Tommy, and they become not just friends but lovers, as well. Working at Johnnies, being friends with Dex, and falling in love with Tommy, all threatens the fragile hold Chase has on his identity. Because even though he has a strong relationship with Tommy, Chase has spent his life hiding, and he can't even be himself with his soul mate. When his two worlds collide, the force of it is nuclear powered times ten.
\"God. No wonder it was so easy. He's been bleeding since he was a baby.\"
This story tore me up and had me doing the ugly crying, snot, hiccups, and all. The love story between Chase and Tommy was beautiful, in the way a sunrise is, cleansing and chasing the darkness away. It was scary to walk the path with Chase of opening himself up and letting his loved one's see the real him. It taught me the lesson that everyone needs love, no one deserves abuse, and acceptance is a great gift that can be given. I loved this book and I'm so thankful that Amy Lane wrote it because I hope it sheds light on a problem in our young GLBTQ population today. Thank you, Amy!

Chase in Shadow is a journey through the life of Chase, a man that spends so much of his life trying to be what others need that he pushes who he truly is further and further down until the fateful night that starts the book. Chase is not your ordinary romance hero. He is the product of a frighteningly abusive father and a mother that gave up when he was barely more than a baby.
To combat what he hides in a tiny room within him, he tries to be the perfect boyfriend to a woman he only feels friendship for, the perfect friend for friends that don’t know the true him. When presented with a suggestion for how to make more money, so he can take better care of Mercy, the girlfriend, he nervously enters the life of Gay-For-Pay porn, where he finds himself. Finds the love of his life. But also nearly loses himself in all the lies and pain from hiding both himself and where the money is really coming from.
After his boyfriend ends up in the hospital, he blames himself – of course – he breaks it off with him and tries to regain his ‘normal’ life. But what’s normal when you whole has been a lie?
You remember that door, that place within, and that fateful night? What happens with the door opens and the festering truth and fear finally flood out . . .
Chase in Shadow is a wonderful, heart wrenching read that will make you laugh, cry, want to hug the characters, and want to hunt down the father (to murder him, I promise). The writing is powerful, the plot rich and believable, and the characters . . . just WOW! I hope there is a sequel (and that Dax is the hero and gets his HEA). What’s not to love when childhood friends and porn stars team up to rind to your rescue and help you find your own HEA with the badass boy of your dreams?

When I first started reading this I was sure I wasn't going to like it (even though it's by the fabulous Amy Lane) because a huge part of the story is about cheating. But really in this instance I think to really understand Chase and his struggles there had to be that story line. Poor Chase was such a troubled man that knew what he really wanted , but was sure he couldn't have it. When he takes such drastic measures to \"fix\" his life I began to see a man who was so upset with his choices in life that he'd rather slit his wrist then own up to anything. The last 1/3 of the book was so heart-wrenching it made me tear up in quite a few places. The strength he gets from Tommy was a beautiful thing to read. Once I finished I went back and reread the first chapter and realized once again what a wonderful writer Ms. Lane truly is. I think anyone who loves romance will love this book. Hopefully some of the other guys in this book will also get a HEA. They deserve it and I definitely want to read about it!