Losing Faith

Losing Faith by Scotty Cade is the first book I read from this author, even though I have been wanting to read his stories for a while I am glad this is the first of many I am sure.

From the preface of the book you can understand how passionate Mr. Cade is to write about what he truly believes in and called it Faith (pun intended) when he decides to explained some of the real story behind the book.

Father Cullen Kiley, a gay Episcopal priest and Baptist Church’s Associate Pastor, Abel Weston meet by chance.

Cullen and Abel start a beautiful friendship but while they become friends both Cullen and Abel have to learn to fight their inner demons. Cullen's life changes in a blink of an eye and Abel needs to move forward by accepting who he truly is.

Their respective vision of the Faith they once professed to live by and the chance of once again losing what has become safe will make them have to look back at their lives individually and collectively in order to understand that love can conquer all if you believe in the same God that once you said you could no longer recognize.

Reviewed by Morningstar for Diverse Reader Blog

I fell in love with this story. There is nothing else that can describe how I felt reading this story. Straight from the Preface to the last page Scotty Cade created a story that simultaneously broke my heart and made me feel hope. I feel like it takes a certain kind of writer to write realistically about religion without it bogging down the story or turning into a preachy book. Scotty more than accomplishes this in Losing Faith!

Try putting yourself in a place of such loss that you are no longer actually living but merely existing, walking away from the one place that gave you peace because you feel betrayed, living a lie because of how you were brought up tells you that being true to yourself is wrong, or fighting everyday not only with yourself but with the people that you gave solace.

Cullen Kiley is a Episcopal priest who has been on a break from the church for the last 2 years after what he sees as a complete falling out with his faith. He decides to take his boat T-Time on a much needed vacation from his home in Massachusetts to Southport, North Carolina. A route and place he is not unfamiliar with. One that brings many bittersweet memories that he would much rather not think about. Ones he has avoided thinking about for the last 2 years. When finally decides that maybe moving onto another port that doesn’t hold such memories he comes upon Abel Weston sitting on a bench holding a bible looking...defeated. There is no way he can just run past this man without offering him the help he think he needs.

“He silently begged his legs to keep going, but it was no use. The damn things had a mind of their own and stopped right in front of the bench.”

Abel Weston an Associate Pastor at Southport Baptist Church has been fighting with himself for what feels like forever. When these feelings become too much he finds solace at the Riverwalk while sitting on a bench holding his bible praying for guidance. But he’s been finding himself more and more sitting on that bench still waiting for the guidance that never comes. Abel has had a rough life but has come out the other side a strong man with a life and people that at one time gave him purpose.

Cullen shook Abel’s hand and then impulsivity laid his other hand over Abel’s “And remember. Whatever you’re praying for, I know if you look deep enough in here, you’ll find all the right answers.”

While Cullen is trying to avoid his issues he is drawn to Abel in a way he can’t explain. He wants to be there for Abel to help him talk out his problems but what ends up happening is the building a new friendship. A friendship that on the surface is the thing they both seem to need but underneath something more is building. Something that Cullen isn’t ready for and that could cause Abel to lose everything.

“What a smile. If this is what he looks like while he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, he must light up the universe when he’s carefree.”

Back to my first point...I fell in love with this story! That just needed to be said again. Scotty is not a new to me author and I have loved all of his other books that I’ve read but this one is EVERYTHING!! There are just so many feels in this one. You go back and forth from heartbroken to hopeful to love then add a dose of sexy! Yes sexy but it’s beautiful! Cullen and Abel have this connection that you can feel right from when they first meet on that bench on the Southport Riverwalk. That connection keeps Cullen from running even if he doesn’t understand why. And watching Cullen struggle with moving on from the past or staying on his current path because of this connection with Abel was both heart wrenching and hopeful! Abel is scared of the feelings that Cullen stirs in him but can’t get himself to walk away. Of course with any story that includes religion there are those that don’t like the friendship between these two men and boy do they pay a big part for Abel. Losing Faith is low angst, sweet, hopeful story of two men coming to a crossroads in their faith and life.

“A little lost. At a crossroads, maybe. And feeling forgotten and left behind, but other than that, I’m just dandy.”

Just read it! You will not be sorry! I promise.

Independent reviewer for Divine Magazine, I was gifted my copy of this book.

Cullen is a gay Episcopal priest, who finds himself in a place that has many happy, but equally painful memories and he has no idea what bought him back to Southport, he just knew he needed to be here. He comes across Abel, a Baptist pastor looking like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders. Cullen's training kicks in and he knows Abel needs a friend. Cullen is just surprised by how deep the friendship grows.

I rarely, almost NEVER read the bits the authors write at the beginning of their books. The ones that say thank you to this person or that person. For some reason, HERE, I read most of it, I read the preface. And I am so bloody glad I did. It gives the whole book a much more deeper feel, a deeper connection to Mr Cade and how this story came about. And let me tell you, YOU read that bit. You really need to.

WHY?? Because this book is phenomenal in the amount of feeling and emotion and love and pain that comes across. I have no doubt, none at all, had I NOT read that bit at the beginning, it would not have had the same impact.

Both men, priest and pastor alike, are in mourning. Cullen for the loss of his husband two years previous and Abel for the loss of...well...himself. It takes time for both full pictures to be made clear, and I love being made to wait for it. Being made to wade through the pain these men have, their growing feelings for each other, their knowledge that one slip up could end Abel's career, their determination that will not happen.

It made me cry, many times. But not just tears of sadness, although it was mostly those sort. There were tears of happiness in really random places, that threw me off kilter. I was reading this at work, in my lunch break, and the other member of staff kept sticking her head in to see if I was okay. I asked her why? She said you keep making noises, sad ones and happy ones, just wanted to check. I NEVER make noises when I'm reading. Listening, yes, but not reading. OH!! I would so love to LISTEN to this book! Mr Cade? audio? maybe? Sorry, off track.

I did worry at one point, that the book would take a decidedly darker, more deadly tone, but Mr Cade pulled that intervention off with minimal damage. It was difficult to read the constant barrage of them talking to him (I'm not saying who!) but that was all it was, talking and shouting.

The physical relationship between Abel and Cullen grows beautifully, at a fair and even pace, and is so stunningly beautifully written. Its not too explicit nor is it glanced over. We get just enough, just the right amount of it to feel the love growing between these two men, that is so perfect for this book.

Both men's relationship with God is tested, and talked about, but in a good way, in a way that fits with these men being priest and pastor.

But what made the most impact on me, was the impact that Cullen's dead husband had on Cullen and Abel's relationship. His messages to Cullen, via those dreams were deeply profound. Cullen just needed to see what Cole was saying to him. It took him long enough to get the message! I keep using the word beautiful, I know I do, but its the best word for this book, but the dreams were so beautiful.

I've only listened to another book of Mr Cade's, and that was a bit so-so. BUT this one blew me away. I've also only read one other book with a man of (any) cloth as the main character. After that one, I knew I wanted more, but only if they were as good as THAT book. This one was equal to that five star read, but very different.

I can't stress how much I loved this book, and as such, it can only get...

5 stars.

**same worded review will appear on Goodreads, Amazon.com, Amazon.co.uk, Barnes and Noble, Kobo AND Dreamspinner Press**